Samuel Needs

I created the following list by typing “Samuel needs” into google, with quotes, and copying from the first 10 results. Idea stolen from a facebook friend. What do _you_ need?

  1. Samuel needs to be watched at all times while you are home. (What am I, two years old again?)
  2. Samuel needs a wife!!! (So she can watch me at all times while she is home, I guess.)
  3. Samuel needs an assistant to count up to 20. (Because, apparently, my wife can’t handle that.)
  4. Samuel needs to feed his family. (What? Why does nobody tell me these things ahead of time?)
  5. Baby Samuel needs help. (Wow, Google sure is making me feel good about myself.)
  6. Samuel needs to support UCF. (Who? What? Why?)
  7. Samuel needs lots of tender loving care. (And maybe if UCF had given me the tender loving care I needed, found me a wife, helped me when I was a baby, watched me at all times while they were home, fed my family, and given me an assistant to count to 20, I’d be supporting them today!)
  8. Samuel needs to get off his high horse and jump on the bandwagon. (No! I refuse to jump on the UCF bandwagon. I’ve decided this is all UCF’s fault, whoever or whatever they are, and I hate them.)
  9. Samuel needs a family who is very involved in the lives of their children and will be extremely supportive. (Don’t I already have a family to feed? Why do I need another one? UCF wouldn’t even feed my first family.)
  10. Samuel needs to be Nick. (You know what? Based on how needy I turned out to be, I think I agree. I wonder what Nick needs?)
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