Strange political quotes…

“If somebody’s gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there.”

“When you’re talking to me, keep your mouth shut.”

“I hate to confuse myself with the facts.”

“My knowledge is no match for his ignorance.”

“The average age of a 7-year old in this state is 13″.

“Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository.”

“I deny the allegations, and I defy the alligators.”

Apparently, BusinessCreditCardProcessing.com is interested in invisible links

This is the third or fourth link exchange request I’ve gotten in the last week! Huh? It’s not like I even update once a day! Far from it. I guess now that I’ve killed off comment spam, this is the next attempt to get spamvertising on my blog.

The full text of the email follows; is anyone else getting this random nonsense? Or is it just me? Read and laugh at the complete targeting failure:

Delivered-To: samuel@interfree.ca
Received: by 10.114.108.3 with SMTP id g3cs135103wac;
Tue, 9 Jun 2009 05:58:28 -0700 (PDT)
Received: by 10.114.13.20 with SMTP id 20mr137758wam.83.1244552307511;
Tue, 09 Jun 2009 05:58:27 -0700 (PDT)
Return-Path: Received: from hostname63682.50.344a.static.theplanet.com ([74.52.80.74])
by mx.google.com with ESMTP id 33si601953pzk.11.2009.06.09.05.58.27;
Tue, 09 Jun 2009 05:58:27 -0700 (PDT)
Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 74.52.80.74 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record
for domain of linkmanager@gomsg.com) client-ip=74.52.80.74;
Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 74.52.80.74 is neither permitted
nor denied by best guess record for domain of linkmanager@gomsg.com)
smtp.mail=linkmanager@gomsg.com
Received: from localhost ([127.0.0.1] helo=localhost.localdomain)
by hostname63682.50.344a.static.theplanet.com with esmtp (Exim 4.69)
(envelope-from )
id 1ME0uI-0004im-L0
for samuel@interfree.ca; Tue, 09 Jun 2009 05:58:26 -0700
Date: Tue, 9 Jun 2009 06:58:26 -0600
To: samuel@interfree.ca
From: James Subject: Link Exchange Request from BusinessCreditCardProcessing.com
Message-ID:
X-Priority: 3
X-Mailer: PHPMailer (phpmailer.sourceforge.net) [version 2.0.0 rc1]
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/alternative;
boundary=”b1_c3e27c21d1f368c580524f73ff75a7e7″

–b1_c3e27c21d1f368c580524f73ff75a7e7
Content-Type: text/plain; charset = “iso-8859-1″
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit

Hi,

I visited your site http://www.interfree.ca and found some interesting information. We think our
visitors will benefit from your site’s content and we are interested in exchanging links with you.

Please consider listing us here:
http://interfree.ca/samuelp/2009/03/08/the-problem-with-invisible-links/ using the following link
info:

Anchor text : Credit Card Processing

URL : http://www.businesscreditcardprocessing.com

Description : Enjoy the benefits of using credit card processing from MSG, including low rates,
quick funding and free paper supplies.

Please send me the exact URL where I can find my link and send me your text link info so I can add
your link to our site.

We are looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards,

James
BusinessCreditCardProcessing.com
6901 Jerico Turnpike, Suite 240
Syosset, NY 11791

If you would like not to receive any further communications from me please paste this link into
your browser: http://www.emailremovalsystem.com?id=c9QAm7Tqq2a
Or simply respond to this email with Remove as the subject.

–b1_c3e27c21d1f368c580524f73ff75a7e7
Content-Type: text/html; charset = “iso-8859-1″
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit

Hi,

I visited your site http://www.interfree.ca and found some interesting
information. We think our visitors will benefit from your site’s content and we are interested in
exchanging links with you.

Please consider listing us here:
http://interfree.ca/samuelp/2009/03/08/the-problem-with-invisible-links/ using the following link
info:

Anchor text: Credit Card Processing
URL: http://www.businesscreditcardprocessing.com
Description: Enjoy the benefits of using credit card processing from MSG,
including low rates, quick funding and free paper supplies.

Please send me the exact URL where I can find my link and send me your text link
info so I can add your link to our site.

We are looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards,
James

BusinessCreditCardProcessing.com
6901 Jerico Turnpike, Suite 240
Syosset, NY 11791

Note: If you would like not to receive any further communications from me,
please paste this link into your browser: src="http://i367.photobucket.com/albums/oo119/cactive/em-1.gif" align="absmiddle">?id=c9QAm7Tqq2a

Or simply respond to this email with Remove as the subject.

–b1_c3e27c21d1f368c580524f73ff75a7e7–

Data will be handled even with the aid of electronic calculators

This page has what must be the best privacy information ever:

Your data is necessary for the sole purpose of software activation, customer service and communications regarding SiSystem’s software. Data will be handled even with the aid of electronic calculators. Data will be stored in our facilities and communicated solely to competent parties involved with conducting the necessary services described above. In no case shall the information be communicated or diffused to third parties for commercial purposes.

Impressive! I’m glad to know that this technology company, selling what they say is state of the art OCR software, will be able to handle my credit card data “even with the aid of electronic calculators.” Uh, what? Well, at least the guys with the calculators say they’re competent. I’d hate for them to miscalculate something. If they did, my information could be diffused. Hey, what’s that smell? Is something on fire, or is it just someone’s information getting diffused to third parties again?

Highlights From Student Council Speeches

The truely wonderful thing about mary ward, my former high school, was that we got some truely inspired (IE strange) speeches when it came time for student elections. While none of them could top one years refference to “my enormous penis” made by one of the students (he was forced to print an apology in the school newspaper), we got some good ones. Here’s a sample from notes I made during one years speeches, no names used. This is humour, from people who have probably moved on to bigger and better things. Nobody should take it personally:

• “Okay. Listen, I’m going to make this short because I really have to pee.”: tip no. 1 in public speaking…washroom first!
• “But nobody shoves an elephant in a locker and bangs on the outside and leaves it there all morning!”: It’s a simple matter of physics. Also, making comparisons between the students you want to vote for you and elephants can’t be a good thing.
• “I want to get some more action!”: I wasn’t the only one who took that the wrong way, okay?
• One of the students, in the course of his speech, removed his shoe and began using it as a puppet. I still don’t quite understand why.
• “I want next year to last 10 years!”: are you sure you’re not the only one?

Samuel Needs

I created the following list by typing “Samuel needs” into google, with quotes, and copying from the first 10 results. Idea stolen from a facebook friend. What do _you_ need?

1. Samuel needs to be watched at all times while you are home. (What am I, two years old again?)
2. Samuel needs a wife!!! (So she can watch me at all times while she is home, I guess.)
3. Samuel needs an assistant to count up to 20. (Because, apparently, my wife can’t handle that.)
4. Samuel needs to feed his family. (What? Why does nobody tell me these things ahead of time?)
5. Baby Samuel needs help. (Wow, Google sure is making me feel good about myself.)
6. Samuel needs to support UCF. (Who? What? Why?)
7. Samuel needs lots of tender loving care. (And maybe if UCF had given me the tender loving care I needed, found me a wife, helped me when I was a baby, watched me at all times while they were home, fed my family, and given me an assistant to count to 20, I’d be supporting them today!)
8. Samuel needs to get off his high horse and jump on the bandwagon. (No! I refuse to jump on the UCF bandwagon. I’ve decided this is all UCF’s fault, whoever or whatever they are, and I hate them.)
9. Samuel needs a family who is very involved in the lives of their children and will be extremely supportive. (Don’t I already have a family to feed? Why do I need another one? UCF wouldn’t even feed my first family.)
10. Samuel needs to be Nick. (You know what? Based on how needy I turned out to be, I think I agree. I wonder what Nick needs?)

Jane And Arlene

The following joke comes to you via Andre Louis, who posted it to talk2.

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

“Doesn’t matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.” The pharmacist fainted.

All The Bad Taste Of Coke, With None Of Its Redeeming Qualities

Just because you’re too tired to make yourself a decent drink doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to open a can of Club Soda, stick in four sucrose tablets, shake the can a bit, and drink it. I notice that the operation left me with much the same gross feeling I get after drinking too much Coke. However, it wasn’t nearly as much fun as coke overdosing.

And so, to bed.

How to be Annoying on IRC

I originally wrote this list for everything2, but it was rejected there. This will only be funny to those of you who spend time on IRC (internet relay chat). Unfortunately, it’s almost entirely based on real experiences I have had while on IRC!

1. join #windows. Ask what type of glass is best to use for a skylight. Become upset when people don’t help you. Threaten to report the channel to the network administrators and get everyone in it banned.
2. Install a now playing mIRC script. Play Unknown Artist – Unknown Album – Track 01. Discuss what an awesome song that is. Change to track 2 . Repeat until end of album. When people yell at you, act surprised that “You guys can’t hear the music? Something must be wrong. Lemme try again…”. Start from the beginning of the album. When people say it doesn’t work like that, tell them they have something wrong with their speakers because you can hear it fine. Make remarks about people who are too stupid to hook up speakers properly.
3. Say ” lol ” or ” rofl ” after every single message in the channel. Include joins, parts, notices, quits, and ctcps.
4. Set up a script to /msg everyone who joins the channel with a personal greeting. Say goodbye when they part. /msg them with the fact that you’ll miss them when they set status to away.
5. Paste an appropriate article from wikipedia into the channel whenever anyone asks a question. When people yell, act offended and claim you were “only trying to be helpful”. If you get banned by a flood protection bot, msg an op and promise never to do it again. When you’re unbanned, send your wikipedia articles as private messages instead.
6. Change your nick every few minutes, and pretend to be a completely different person. When people comment on this, act amazed at there l33t h@ck3r sk1llz and ask how they figured out you were the same person. part before changing your nick next time, then rejoin. When people try to tell you your computer has an address, become extremely alarmed. Tell everyone that they “better not come to my house or I am gunna whoop y’all asses.” Message the channel ops and demand that anyone who accessed your “address” be banned right away. Claim to have everyone’s address and be “calling the cops on you hackers right now!”
7. Join a sex channel with a nickname like SuperHotSexGirly743 ( real IRC networks do, in fact, allow nicks this long). Set your ident to ~HarryThompson. Set your whois name to Harry Thompson, sr. Ask the race of everyone in the channel before talking to them. /ignore anyone who says they’re a different race than you. Message an op and demand that all those dirty people of $OtherRace be forced to leave because you’re an innocent young girl and shouldn’t have to put up with that sort of thing. When people express doubt about this, accuse them of slander and threaten to call your lawyer and sue them for all they’ve got.
8. Join a Christian channel. Say that you’re a member of Gays4Jesus. Ask if anyone is interested in worshipping God and getting some hot man-loving next Wednesday. Tell them about your apostles slash fanfiction.
9. Join #unix. Tell everyone that they misspelled the name of their channel. Laugh at them. Invite them all to #eunuchs.
10. Say you’re just trying out this IRC thing, but it’s stupid. Tell everyone in the channel how much better Yahoo Chat is, and that IRC is just for old people.