Highlights From Student Council Speeches

The truely wonderful thing about mary ward, my former high school, was that we got some truely inspired (IE strange) speeches when it came time for student elections. While none of them could top one years refference to “my enormous penis” made by one of the students (he was forced to print an apology in the school newspaper), we got some good ones. Here’s a sample from notes I made during one years speeches, no names used. This is humour, from people who have probably moved on to bigger and better things. Nobody should take it personally:

  • “Okay. Listen, I’m going to make this short because I really have to pee.”: tip no. 1 in public speaking…washroom first!
  • “But nobody shoves an elephant in a locker and bangs on the outside and leaves it there all morning!”: It’s a simple matter of physics. Also, making comparisons between the students you want to vote for you and elephants can’t be a good thing.
  • “I want to get some more action!”: I wasn’t the only one who took that the wrong way, okay?
  • One of the students, in the course of his speech, removed his shoe and began using it as a puppet. I still don’t quite understand why.
  • “I want next year to last 10 years!”: are you sure you’re not the only one?
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