America, America: politics and foreign policy are the least of the problems

This article originally appeared on the front page of newsvine.
Every once in a while, I come across stories of those from “The United States”
who feel the need to claim another nationality (often Canadian) when they’re
touring the world. Usually, this desire is compelled by the belief that
”The United States” is internationally hated do to its politics and foreign
policy, and that “U.S” citizens get the cold shoulder because of these
things. What these people don’t realize, however, is that political and
foreign policy concerns often are the least of the problem; they’re objectionable,
sure, but “U.S” tourists have a much larger problem to overcome. This unfortunate
problem can be stated in two words: ignorance and arrogance. What makes
this problem worse is that it is completely unintentional; those growing
up in the “U.S” have this arrogance and ignorance drilled so deeply into
them that they are completely unable to see it for what it is.
These things are so deeply reflected in the consciousness of the nation
that they even affect what the country calls itself: “America”! To an “American”,
the rest of North America (Canada and parts further north), all of Central
America (Belize, Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua)
and South America too (Argentina, Bolivia, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Ecuador,
Guiana, Paraguay, Peru, Uruguay, and Venezuela) are so completely unimportant
that they might as well not exist. They’re “American”, and to hell with
anyone else who may live on either of the two continents; I’m a Canadian,
but for some strange reason I have no right to designate myself American,
too. The full name of the country is no better: The United States of America.
Is Ecuador part of these United States? If not, how on earth are they the
”United States of America”?
The only way this problem can be fixed is by completely renaming the country;
no short form of the country’s name will serve to abolish this arrogance.
”The States” makes the implicit assumption that “The States” are the most
important states in the world, and I’m quite sure The Federated States
of Micronesia wouldn’t appreciate this. “The United States” does no better,
instead implying a union of all states everywhere. Wouldn’t the Independent
State of Papua New Guinea want a say in that?
As an effort to begin the slow and painful process of breaking down the
wall of “U.S” arrogance, I propose a new name for the country: Washland,
after the first president of the country, and the man who helped to win
its Independence. It will also, unfortunately, be necessary to rename the
State of Washington to the state of Lincoln in order that citizens of Washland
may safely be called Washingtonians without confusing them with citizens
of the state newly christened Lincoln. It may also be advisable to rename
Washington, DC to Fillmore, DC and Lincoln, Nebraska to Buchanan, Nebraska.
However, these changes should be taken under advisement and not put into
effect without serious thought and discussion.
The only remaining problem with my excellent idea is getting Washingtonians
to accept it. However, this problem is easily solved: if we of the international
community begin using these names regularly and consistently, soon Washingtonians
will have no choice but to rename the country in order to fit with the
rest of the world! In a matter of years, Washingtonians will be using the
name Washland widely throughout their own country, just like they now use
the metric system, the correct spelling of colour, and…oh, never mind.
It’s hopeless.